By Father Jonathan Morris / FOX Fan
This week “Titanic” director James Cameron and Canadian television director, Simcha Jacobovici stood proudly at the New York City library to announce the release of a new book and documentary called “The Tomb of Jesus.” They claim to have uncovered the remains of Jesus and his family, including Mary Magdalene, (Jesus’ supposed wife) and their child, Judah. If he were honest, this is what Mr. Cameron would have said to the press:
“My dearest friends in the media, Thank you for being here. I must admit, I am pleasantly surprised so many of you have come.
Our public relations company had quite the challenge to convince you our commercial projects were headline-worthy. After all, what we are peddling is pseudo-science based on old and discredited news. But we obviously hired the right company. They came through on their promise that you wouldn’t remember, or wouldn’t care, that when this tomb was discovered twenty seven years ago, the Jewish archeologist in charge of the investigation, Amos Kloner, determined it was not the tomb of Jesus and his family and that, in fact, it is unlikely Jesus and his relatives even had a family tomb.
To think that not a single respected archeologist from the Holy Land region is willing to go on record that our claims are true, and still you are here with us today, is mind-boggling. How can we thank you enough?
We really got scared when people like Joe Zias, who spent 25 years as an archeologist at Rockefeller University in Jerusalam, called into question our integrity. I think he said publicly “Simcha has no credibility whatsoever.” And even though the great archeologist, Amos Kloner, tried to rain on our party when he said, “The claim that the burial site has been found is not based on any proof, and is only an attempt to sell,” you were not deterred. You are here, and we are so happy!
By the way, did you hear our book is now in the top five of Amazon.com? Amazing! I am thinking about doing some other projects where I set science — even pseudo-science — up against religion. I think I’ll release them during the annual “slam Christianity season” — Lent and Easter — featuring a New York City press conference.
We’ll win every time. Christians will be quiet. They won’t set cars on fire or blow anyone up, precisely because they believe in the Resurrection, that Jesus’ way of peace is better. They will, however, get nervous because they don’t really know much about their faith and will buy the book and watch the show.
This brings me to the real point of today’s press conference. Today is my day for revenge. When I received my Oscar for best director a few years ago, I looked out into the crowd and proclaimed, “I am the king of the world”. That’s what I felt on that day and I wouldn’t have said it, if I didn’t believe it. But some of my Hollywood colleagues have looked down on me ever since. They thought I was exaggerating. As my movie credits prove, I’ve been sidelined since that day. But when I found the two-thousand year old scribblings on a tomb wall and, with the help of mathematicians, extrapolated that Jesus’ tomb was not really empty, that he may not have risen from the dead, as two billion people believe today, I realized how true my Oscar’s acceptance speech really was. It was kind of prophetic, I guess.
The real king of the world — James Cameron — calls into question the King of Kings. So don’t forget to buy our book and watch the Discovery Channel on March 4th.”