TOPIC: I'm gonna DIE -- I just know it!
I am going to die soon. I just know it. Over the past several months I have learned that my risk of heart attack or some other death causing ailment has increased exponentially -- for several reasons.

First, I removed the sugary drinks from my menu -- and started drinking diet colas. Then, I found out that diet drinks have aspartame in them. Next, I got rid of the diet colas and started drinking water w/ Crystal Light and a small packet of Splenda (to sweeten the taste). Then, I read that Splenda has bleach in it -- and may be to mutagenic substance. Now, I pretty much drink plain water or 100% fruit juice. After all, high fructose corn syrup (from most juice beverages) is bad for me, too.

I used to eat a few fried foods (like shrimp, clams & fish), along with cooked vegetables, a few breads/pastas and most red meats. Boy, was that putting me at great risk of death. Fried foods generally contain saturated fats. Seafood has mercury in it. Fish is not even safe unless it was raised on an organic sea-farm. Vegetables have pesticides in and on them. Breads and pastas are full of carbohydrates, which make me fat -- and raise my risk for heart disease. Red meat is full of steroids, fat and other unfriendly molecules.
So, I turned to chicken, "farm fresh" vegetables and fruit. BUT, those are bad for me, too. The chicken we eat in America is raised by farmers who pump the birds full of steroids, hormones and/or antibiotics. "Farm fresh" vegetables are fertilized with the waste of the animals that are full of the steroids, ad nauseum (literally). Fruit is full of sugar, which again helps make me fat and raises my already skyrocketing triglycerides.
My last chance to live was to use dietary supplements (antioxidants, vitamins, etc) and eat as little as possible -- and only baked/broiled white meat, lots of raw veggies and freshly filtered water, of course. Today, I read a WebMD article that tells me I'm gonna die. WHY? The headline reads: "Antioxidant Supplements Up Death Risk". The article goes on to cite an increased risk for people who take certain vitamins & other supplements.
That's just great! Everything I eat or drink is bad for me. Supplements -- the little pills are supposed to help ward off those evil free radicals and grimy molecules chomping on my cells -- are now deemed killer caplets. I guess I'd better increase my insurance benefit, pick out my burial plot and start looking for a cheap suit to be buried in. At the rate things are going, any meal could be my last. I'm gonna DIE. I just know it!